Telling People in Pain That Others Have It Worse is BS

I always hear people tell me and others who go through life struggles to suck it up and to cheer myself up because others have it worse. I always feel two things whenever someone tells me this: 1) I feel annoyed, and 2) I feel paralyzed – I do not know what to do with that information and it certainly didn’t help me feel better. Why do I feel annoyed? I didn’t quite understand why at first. I felt stupid. Later on, as I went through life and learn things from what I read, I realized there is a term for this – devaluation.

Devaluation is “the action of causing someone or something to be considered less valuable or important“, according to the online Cambridge Dictionary. Why is devaluating people not okay? Because one merely brushed off someone else’s emotional pain instead of alleviating them from it. One might view other people’s pain as unimportant compared to other people’s. I think there is a problem with this kind of thinking. For one, the person seemed to have failed to empathize with the other person who expressed their pain. Another thing is, because one failed to empathize, one also failed to understand the other person’s feelings.  Lastly, no help was given, therefore making this action ineffective.

I wouldn’t know the exact reason why one devalues other people’s feelings but I do have guesses. First, there are people who are burdened with too much emotional pain that it is easier to brush off other people’s suffering and pain than to take it in, especially if they are natural empathizers (we all are and supposed to, otherwise, we’re Psychopaths). I think it’s understandable as long as we tell the other person that we aren’t ready to take their problems in because we are also going through something similar. We are only humans and can only hold in so much. Second, there are people who find pleasure in seeing other people in pain. I see these people as emotional sadists who find pleasure juicing out further suffering from those who are already in pain, by telling them to be grateful because others had it worse. Or maybe they are just insensitive and ignorant about how each people’s suffering and pain is unique.

Pain is pain, no matter how mild or severe others perceive it to be. In the end, people expressing their pain only did so in hopes of alleviating it. However, there will always be opportunistic assholes who will use it to feed their disgusting egos. Or maybe not, maybe they are just ignorant. If so, it’s time to reflect on this all-time favorite quote of mine that I came across some 10 years ago: “The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn. ”― Alvin Toffler