As I’ve mentioned before, I recently moved back to my hometown, to my parent’s house. Living away from home for almost 5 years made me realize a lot of things. I now feel shocked at some of the things I don’t, about my parents’ way of things. Anyway, they were still tolerant to accept me back in the house. So, for that, I thank them.
My dad’s been obsessed with watching crime stories involving young children. One time, when I was having my hair dyed, and the film I and my hairdresser was watching, finally ended, he chose a movie that gave me anxiety. It was about a criminal kid. I immediately switched to another film, something more of a cyberpunk, female hero theme.
My parents have very traditional views and I lean more towards the progressive: I support the LGBTQ, I am pro-choice for the fact that I think I do not have the right to tell people what to do with their bodies, I am against capital punishment for the fact that there have been a lot of innocent people wrongly tried, and the list goes on. These views, including others, shocks them to the point of probably thinking that I am a social deviant, despite the fact I’ve been a good citizen all of my life.
I was wondering why my dad was suddenly obsessed with these types of movies recently. I am a very odd child, I have to admit. We don’t always get along. I am a very curious child and they, on the other hand, grew up in a different time. They were disciplined rather differently to the point of being psychologically abused or manipulated. This seems to be normal to them because they grew up thinking it is the only way to control kids. I, on the other hand, have a very different view on disciplining kids. I think screaming and merely telling kids not to do things will only make them do it more because they don’t understand why they shouldn’t do it.
I also have a very bad temper. I feel triggered whenever I am raised voice at, and whenever I am blamed for something I didn’t do. I also feel angry whenever there is a sudden change in the house rules that I am not aware of, then I am raised voiced at or got angered at for the mere fact I didn’t know that I accidentally “broke the rules”. I prefer to be told politely. After all, I am also an adult, despite being their child. One time, I was fed up with being blamed and told to do things in an inflammatory manner, that I went to my room and threw my glass tumbler until it broke into pieces.
Also, I tend to block a lot of people from my life, including friends, family, and relatives whose views are polar opposites to mine. I had to do this especially when I feel like my emotion and my mind cannot take enough anymore. I think it’s better to deal with the minimal.
If the conspiracy theory is correct, the government would be laughing now, snooping at our online activities: While my dad may think I might be a social deviant (boohoohoo) and probably googling things to help them deal with it, here I am busy daydreaming about pursuing my creative and academic dreams, only being stopped by my lack of funds (boohoohoo again), and making myself feel better by geeking at random YouTube videos and Netflix documentaries, or reading about political articles and news.
I really think I should have a side hustle so I can get my ass out of here again. I’ve drafted plans already. This is becoming more unhealthy and we are getting paranoid about each other because we don’t get along, don’t talk to each other, and therefore don’t trust each other. We’ve only become diplomatic. I can’t really feel the familial love anymore.
So long! Til next time.