I am back in my hometown. I figured, if I am going to work at home, why not go back to my hometown for a while? Also, I didn’t like the jobs offered to me back in the city. They involve sales and quotas and I don’t really enjoy doing those things. The ones that I want? I was rejected. Life, right? It’s like a game, you always have to plan for your next move, strategize and make sure you have a back up plan in case the other one doesn’t work. Ever since I left my hometown almost 5 years ago, I’ve been planning and strategizing. I like it, though. I like to believe it sharpens my mind and keeps me from minding petty and nonsensical issues.
A project
My brother and I are on a project to renovate my room before my actual work starts. I will transform it into a cozy room for retreating after socializing too much with a mini office in the corner. My room’s become very dusty and everything that’s left is reminiscent of my embarrassing 20s. I say this because 1) if I wouldn’t have decided to come back home and stay here for a while, I wouldn’t have realized how much I changed – from my personal principles to my priorities and 2) I was foolish in love and minding the tiniest annoyance people consciously or unconsciously make. Now, I just don’t care anymore and it seems like minding them is exhausting and isn’t really worth my energy and time. I’ve better things to spend my energy and time on. My life, just like my room, somehow looks sad, but life goes on. So, as a symbol of a new life and leaving uncontrollable things behind me and moving along, the room needs a makeover that is a representation of my present self.
Introspection and Retrospection
When I left this hometown, I never thought I’d come back. Now I am here, planning on new things, filled with the same hope I had 5 years ago when I left. A couple of months ago, I wasn’t this hopeful but surrounding my self with the right people brought it back. I’ve learned a couple of things in my early 30s: That what I thought is permanent may not always be the case; that I can always go back to my family to recharge, rethink and to heal; that if you’re ready to look forward and leave what didn’t work out behind, there’s always hope.
I wouldn’t stay here for good, though. I’ve always loved the big city and wish to stay there for good. There are more opportunities for career, financial and personal growth there. But I will never forget my hometown. It holds a special place in my heart. Coming back home is kind of a introspection and retrospection for me.
Great Things About My Hometown
I am happy to be back and find really fresh fish, fruits, meat, and vegetables at a very low price. Because of this, I get to make smoothies every day. I can’t find perks like these back in the big cities! Also, I bumped into a lot of people from my high school and college, yesterday. I already forgot how it felt like bumping into people I know every time I go to downtown. Most were warm, hugging me and greeting me with joy. Others are snobbish, (LOL). I can’t blame them. I used to be a snob before. I think the person was one of the victims of my snobbish phase in my 20s. I can’t really complain. Also, it’s just great to be back home and have conversations with my folks and my brother. Am I going to lose my individual self? I used to be scared to lose it whenever I become too sociable but, no. I know better. Living with them all my life, I’ve never found my individuality but living alone created a strong foundation for my individuality and it’s unshackled. I am now more flexible but I never forget who I really am deep within. I realized that in life, I have to take different roles for different people I meet. At the end of the day, when I retreat to my inner self, only I know who I really am deep inside. Until then, I will tread on life.
Also, I am excited for my new room to be finished so I can have my privacy. I am currently sleeping on our couch and my things are left in the living room.
Panic Realizations 